No Rules, Just Right

Yo!

I strike on the blog-post scene every couple of months like the crabs in Trey's mangina. But I'm back baby, so don't hate.

I work at the Outback Steakhouse now. I serve steaks for a living and it couldn't be better. I tried to get a real job a few months ago at Enterprise Rent-A-Car, but somehow I wasn't good enough for them and they sent me packing. Now I sling meat for a living.

Everyone I work with is in their 20's like us and really cool. All the girls I work with are sexy. There are a few borderline 10's. The restaurant closes at 10 p.m. on weekdays and 11 p.m. on the weekend so it's a complete cakewalk. I make money and am home in time to get busy. It's great.

Dear Horsecut Bloggers discussing movies about Boston,

First of all, you didn't think I was listening to the blog but I was. Gone Baby Gone is a seriously good movie and I give it full support. Casey Affleck is for real, and anybody not convinced should also watch The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, a strange movie starring Brad Pitt upstaged by Casey Affleck. Ben < Casey.

Dear Tennessee,

I cannot come up this weekend for the Michigan State game. However, I am now making money so I'll be at Penn State sometime soon. Get that roomate in line.

Dear Tremaine and Weatherman,

Long Island is near and dear to my heart and I will be there soon. Weatherman, if I can introduce you to Sal Palantonio I will. Tremaine, if I can caress your smooth, silky, ebony-black legs I will.

Dear Louie,

Fuck the Phillies. I love you and miss you.

Dear Skip,

Are you in the Navy? I am confused. Florida is riddled with the elderly and the gay--stay on your guard.

Dear Per,

Louie was right, you look exactly like 1970s John Kerry, it's almost creepy. Where the fuck is Lock the Door.

Dear Calafuck,

Design some technology shit already and get it over with. I need I beer-pong partner.

Dear Dave,

Come back to us, Man of Mystery, and hopefully with a beard.

Dear Penn State Nittany Lions,

You were never that good, and your embarrassing loss to Iowa saved us all a more embarrassing loss to Florida in the National Championship Game. Win the Rose Bowl, please.

Dear New York Football Giants,

You are by far the greatest and most dominant team in the NFL this year. Bring us another championship, and please embarrass the Cowboys and the Eagles along the way.

That's all for me. If anyone is in New Jersey and needs a barn to sleep in, call me.

-Raven