HORSECUT

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Dueling Reviews Best of 2011: Director vs. Weatherman. Part of an occasional series.

Disclaimer: these are only based on the films we've seen that were released this past year, with an exception in best action and best comedy.

BEST FILM
Director: Midnight in Paris - Charming, funny, and Woody Allen in his comfort zone. Owen Wilson is at his best as the charming loser, Rachel McAdams is at her best as the bitchy girlfriend, and Marion Cottilard is at her best as the sultry sexy frenchwoman. Highly Recommended.
Weatherman: The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo - Whatever, this was a great movie. The weird looking intro had me hooked from the start. The Help is a close second in this category. [Editor's note: also see the original Swedish Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Trilogy]

WORST FILM
Director: Immortals - Bad story, even worse acting, and a plot that makes no sense. If I wanted to see models running around in weird quasi-greek fashion I would go to Cirque du Soleil. This is the ultimate low point of the Greek movie trend (Troy, Alexander, 300, etc).
Weatherman: I didn’t really have a worst film. 2011-12 was an optimistic viewing year in the McLaughlin household, but I will say I thought J. Edgar could have been better.

BEST ACTOR
Director: Gary Oldman, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy - Although I was disappointed with the film itself, Oldman portrays more character without ever saying a word than most actors can while speaking.
Weatherman: Justin Bieber, Never Say Never - Happy 18th birthday Justin. [Editor's note: Really Weatherman? Really?]

WORST ACTOR
Director: Shia LaBeouf, Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon - He's not necessarily a bad actor, it's just that the roles he picks show the worst he has to offer, instead of the best. Come on Shia, you can do better than this.
Weatherman: Danny McBride - He will perpetually be my worst actor. I will not watch Eastbound and Down, no matter how many times people suggest I watch it, only because of him and I wish he would have died the first time in Pineapple Express.

BEST ACTRESS
Director: Saoirse Ronan, Hanna - She makes you really believe that she's a little girl yet also a stone-cold killer.
Weatherman: Mila Kunis, Friends with Benefits - Sooo hot. [Editor's note: I agree]

WORST ACTRESS
Director: Michelle Rodriguez, Battle: Los Angeles - She's been typecast to death as the badass latina soldier, and at this point I don't think she can handle anything else.
Weatherman: None.

MOST OVERRATED
Director: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Pt 2 - Never before has the epic showdown between a Lord of Evil and the Hero been so bland and meant so little.
Weatherman (actor): Johnny Depp - I saw the Rum Diary and liked it, but is Johnny Depp really God’s gift to moviemaking, which I think is his reputation. I think not.
Weatherman (film): Moneyball - I read the book when it first came out. The movie was OK, but really didn’t live up to all the hype the mainstream media and sports media gave it. Plus, the A’s now suck and Billy Beane is not a genius.

MOST UNDERRATED
Director: Midnight in Paris - I've only met one person who's seen this film, yet I think it was the best I saw all year.
Weatherman: Justin Bieber: Never Say Never - Make fun of me. I don’t care. This was a really good movie in documentary style. Watch it. [Editor's note: Horsecut in no way endorses this statement]

BEST COMEDY
Director: The Muppets - I actually haven't seen it yet but my cousin, a huge Muppets fan, says it was great. I'm assuming I'll agree.
Weatherman: The Hangover: Part II - The plot was the same exact thing as the first Hangover, but I still thought it was funny. Best part might have been the One Night in Bangkok performance at the end.

BEST ACTION
Director: Drive - Although the action comes in small doses, after I walked out of the theater I wanted to speed across town all day in my car, pretending it had a manual transmission. That says something. Not since Steve McQueen has driving looked this cool.
Weatherman: I really don’t think I saw any new action movies this year, but I finally got around to watching all the Bourne movies, so those get the nod here.

BEST TV
Director: Sherlock - This BBC miniseries is the best Sherlock Holmes adaptation to date. It's smart, clever, funny, and engaging in all the right ways. It takes place in modern day which gives it an unusual twist, but without ever losing sight of what a Sherlock Holmes mystery is all about. And, as a sign of how good these actors are, Benedict Cumberbatch (Sherlock) is appearing as a villain in the next Star Trek film and as the voice of Smog in The Hobbit, and Martin Freeman (Watson) is playing Bilbo Baggins himself. Highly recommended over Robert Downey Jr.'s Sherlock Holmes films.
Weatherman: The League, (FX); all HBO Sports productions; Pardon the Interruption (ESPN); Storm Chasers (Discovery) all are worthy here … but the award goes to How the States Got Their Shapes on History Channel. Start learning or get busy dying, Horsecutters.

WORST TV
Director: Terra Nova - This is a guilty pleasure of mine because of how great a show this could be. It has time travel, dinosaurs, rebels funded by evil corporate interests, and Stephen Lang (Colonel Quaritch, Avatar) as the bad-ass yet benevolent leader of the colony. What is doesn't have is good scripting, danger, or a sense of how a new colony in a hostile land would actually work in the real world.
Weatherman: Any of the Real Housewives or Kardashian shows.

AWARD GRAB BAG
DIRECTOR:
Best fight scene from an otherwise bad film - Green Hornet vs Kato, The Green Hornet - I was disappointed by this overall bland film, especially since it was directed by Michel Gondry (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind). But this fight scene, between the Green Hornet and his sidekick, conveys a sense of fun that the rest of this film should have had. See it here.
Best concept, worst execution - Battle: Los Angeles - I was really pumped for this film when I heard it called "Black Hawk Down but with aliens!". And it did have some good moments, but it was mostly forgettable. There were never any "wow" moments, and for a movie with aliens that's unforgivable.
Hottest jaun - Freida Pinto - She seems to be the exotic jaun of film lately, showing up a few years ago as the love interest in Slumdog Millionaire, and this year as James Franco's girlfriend in Rise of the Planet of the Apes, and the Oracle and Perseus's girlfriend in Immortals, in which she is shown partially naked. Hopefully we'll see more of her in more ways than one if you get my hint...
WEATHERMAN:
Something I didn't know Award: J. Edgar Hoover was gay.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Long time no post

In anticipation of the Academy Awards in 3 weeks, I may or may not post some film related lists or thoughts. Also, be on the lookout for "Dueling Reviews 2012: Director vs Weatherman".

MOST ANTICIPATED FILMS OF 2012 (click on the titles for trailers)

Iron Sky (no release date): Nazis secretly set up a base on the dark side of the moon during WWII, and now return to Earth for revenge!

Act of Valor (feb 24): men on a mission, starring actual Navy SEALs. But can they act? We'll just have to see.

Casa de Mi Padre (March 16): Mexican telenova starring Will Farrel?!

The Hunger Games (March 23): My entire family tells me I must read this series, even though it looks like a ripoff of Japan's Battle Royale. However, it does star my best actress pick from last year, Jennifer Lawrence.

The Three Stooges (April 13): it will either be a travesty or a work of genius. Directed by the Farrely Bros of Dumb and Dumber fame.

Lock-Out (april 20): Guy Pearce as a Snake Plisskin type character rescuing the President's daughter on a space prison. Count me in.

The Pirates! (april 27): New claymation film from the makers of Wallace and Gromit!

The Raven (april 27): John Cusack is Edgar Allen Poe on the hunt for a serial killer using his stories as inspiration. Cusack is an inspired choice.

Men in Black 3 (May 25): Can it recapture the magic from the original?

Prometheus (June 8): Ridley Scott's prequel to his original Alien. Will he live up to his 30 year younger self?

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (june 22): Looks like low budget fun.

Brave (june 22): Pixar's new adventure film about a Irish girl in the middle ages. They can do no wrong in my book.

GI Joe Retaliation (june 29): the sequel to my "best stupid fun" film of 2009. Now with Bruce Willis and The Rock.

The Amazing Spiderman (july 3): A reboot from the director of (500) Days of Summer, starring the guy who played Eduardo Savarin in The Social Network & Emma Stone. This should kick the ass of Spider Man 1, 2, & 3.

The Dark Knight Rises (july 20): Nothing needs to be said.

The Expendables 2 (aug 17): Now with more Bruce and Arnold!

Argo (no release date): Ben Affleck's film about the Iranian Hostage Crisis. Affleck has, so far, impressed me with his directing skills.

Looper (sept 28): A time-traveling hitman is sent to kill his future self, but doesn't. Time-travel shenanigans ensue. Starring Bruce Willis and Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Skyfall (oct): James Bond returns! Javier Bardem is the villain!

Gravity (nov 21): George Clooney and Sandra Bullock are astronauts stranded in space, by the director of Children of Men. Can't see how this can go wrong.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (dec 14): I cannot express in words how excited I am. . .

World War Z (dec 21): Brad Pitt interviews survivors of a zombie apocalypse. Expect lots of brains.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Skip's Wedding

Janelle and I are getting married on May 5, 2012. Per, this is your last chance to steal her away from me before it's too late. You should all be getting your 'Save the Dates' soon enough